January 24, 2018 . Main Journal
I thought I’d start a new journal by now. New year, birthday, fresh start. But it doesn’t feel right. Each journal is a chapter in the story of my life. And something is telling me after all I’ve been through, this chapter isn’t over yet. Something’s missing…
May 22, 2018 . Hospital Journal
Here we go again. Day three in the psych ward. I feel like a failure. Like I lost the game of recovery. I know I’m not like them. You can tell who really needs it and who is getting played by the system.
This building is much harder to deal with. The people are sicker. It’s dirtier. The workers are lazier. There’s violence, screaming. This didn’t happen in the other wing. In the other wing we were family. We looked out for each other and got in trouble for giving each other hugs.
Here you fend for yourself. Practically a jail environment. You have to watch your belongings – and your back.
May 23, 2018 . Hospital Journal
This time around I did half the time. Today is my release date. What a drastically different experience this time around. So much hate and negativity. Last time was full of hope and love. I almost didn’t want to leave last time. Now I’m watching the clock waiting for 1 pm. I need to make sure I never do this again. I’m better than this. I may be sad and lonely, but I don’t belong in a place like this.
Time to seriously grow up and get your shit together.
June 10, 2018 . Main Journal
I was involuntarily admitted to the hospital. It happened again.
My mother was in the hospital for a week. I met a lying man name Jeremy – and I spiraled again.
This time it was torture. Jail. One of the worst experiences of my life.
I felt like a failure. Tried to pick myself up and didn’t go looking for a man. Baby steps.
Then I spent time with Craig. A friend of Alice’s. Another liar full of empty promises. This time I’m not going to let myself fall apart.